Merry-go-round horses Final
The leaves are starting to change colour, the temperatures are dropping, the days are getting shorter and our moods are changing.
Seasons pass like merry-go-round horses, beautifully designed and painted in their own colours. Winter is a crisp white, with her sparkly ice hooves glittering in the sun. Next, come’s spring with painted-on flowers and feet lost in the lush green grass. Summer is like a golden statue with a mane filled with sand and fur dripping wet from a fresh summer swim. Autumn goes next with her crunchy leaves falling off her yellow, red and orange coat. With her frosty coloured eyes and her hooves standing in the thick wet muddy puddles.
The bitter frost of Autumn moving into Spring strangles me until I can’t breathe any longer, and the hatred of the cold crawls under my skin biting at me until I bleed.
Have you ever felt a powerless desire for something? Like you crave for nothing more than to lie on the beach knowing you’re getting gorgeously tanned, or even a crave for Summer to show her golden face and beam down on you? Even if it means you get sunburned?
In Spring there are traces of snow, frost and the hiss of the air letting us remember how Winter was in town, then went on holiday and left the promise of the warm and happy Summer ahead.
Here we are now with wildflowers blooming from mother earth, and for the season of Spring who has dressed for the magic that lies above us. For the dances of the early frosty mornings that are soon to disappear and for the days to grow longer with each day that shall appear.
Soon will be the glistening sun of Summer, with the fresh unconscious fluffy air like walking through a cloud of soft feathers, or eating candy floss. As she prances around the tall, immaculate, thick, lush grass and swims in the deep blue crystal lake I think about the next season to come with dread.
The dread of the crunch of the leaves bellows your feet all different shades of reds, yellows, browns and oranges. The dread of the cold bitter air and the layers upon layers we need in order to survive throughout the Crysis.
Before coming back to the crispy white frost on your laws, and the dancing snowflakes as they fall to the ground.
Chloe – It is clear that you have thought carefully about the requirements of the task. Your attention to the detail of the piece is admirable. I think you could have a little play around with some of your statements where there is more than one adjective – for example – ‘tall, immaculate, thick, lush grass’ – try removing some of the adjectives. Or, perhaps better, take them and use them in a second sentence which also describes the grass.
The extended metaphor of the horses is lovely, detailed and evocative. Look at the third line of that paragraph – ‘Next, come’s spring’ – have a look at that apostrophe and ask yourself the two questions – does ‘come’ own Spring? Or have you removed a letter? Remember if the answer to both of those questions is ‘no’ then remove the apostrophe.
Only a suggestion but you could consider revising ‘yellow, red and orange’ to more evocative words for the colours.