‘Don’t tell me the moon is shining. Show me the glint of light on broken glass,’

The goal of ‘show don’t tell’ is to let your reader interpret some of the emotions, actions or objects in your scene.

This engages the reader’s mind and makes them, unconsciously, part of the writing. It also means that you know how to use a language device to convey meaning.

The Senses
Appealing to a range of senses in writing allows the reader to imagine a scene in a more vivid manner. It helps a writer to ‘show’ a scene, rather than tell it.

Examples
Instead of using this telling sentence:
‘The girl was nervous to go on to the stage’.

Use…
‘With sweaty palms, the girl peeked out from behind the curtain. She gave a squeal as she noted the first three rows were already packed. With her legs feeling like jelly, she tried to block the chatter from the audience and walked off towards the dressing room’.

Telling Sentence
‘It was an unusual cat’.

Showing sentence.
With yellow eyes glowing red, long, black fur that stood on end, a mouth full of sharp pointed teeth that emitted a yowl like a tiger, I knew that the small animal before me was no ordinary cat.

Telling Sentence
The pizza was delicious.

Showing sentences
Mushrooms and pepperoni sausage formed the layers on top of one another while the white mozzarella cheese bubbled over the bright red tomato sauce. Each time took a bit I planned it so that I got a taste of every delicious ingredient. My taste buds celebrated every single time. Ooh, so good.

Now try writing your own versions for..
1 The boy was sad.
2 The dog wanted to go for a walk.
3 It was cold outside
4 The student was bored.
5 The bedroom was a mess.
6 The garden was beautiful.
7 It was a stormy night.
8 The cake was delicious.

Answers

The boy was sad …

The boy’s eyes were dull and empty, yet they told a story of sadness as tears slowly fell down his face. Once that first tear broke free, the rest followed in an unbroken stream, generously running until there was no more. His shoulders were slumped like he was holding a million weights and his steps were dragged and forced.

The student was bored …

The student opened her mouth to yawn, gazing off into the distance blankly while fiddling with a piece of paper in her hands. Why was it that time goes to slow in the times you don’t want it to be, but so fast when you want it to be slow?

The bedroom was a mess …

My sister’s room is a disaster area, an accident waiting in disguise. But when I tell her to clean it she just replies with “my room isn’t messy, it’s an obstacle course designed to keep me fit”. All her clothes sleep beside the rubbish bin placed or tipped over in other words beside her unmade bed. Her duvet is inside out and there are orange stains on her pillowcase. In the corner piled up on her shelf are toys that she tells me are arranged from what she uses and what she doesn’t. So when I ask her why she still keeps then she just sighs and tells me “Lucy, if you have a problem with my room then you can clean it yourself, if not then get out”.

It was cold outside …

The air was brisk dancing around me, as I step onto the slippy pavement ready for a new day at school. The crisp white, healthy frost covered the lawn like a blanket and the crunchy sensation of autumn leaves bellow my feet remind me of how wonderfully spectacular the cold really is.